The deeper I dove into watching and seeing how others are “doing things”, the further away I got from living in my own way. I stopped listening to the intuition that was leading me on my own path. And my self-worth bore the brunt of it.

The Comparison Game - Carole Blackburn - Life and Wellness Coach

The Comparison Game Crushed My Confidence

There is something that I have been silently struggling with for a very long time. It’s only been in recent years that I have been able to acknowledge, accept and change the patterns that I have been subconsciously using to measure my success. Success in my career, the way I raise my children, how I look, what I drive… the list goes on.

Self Doubt

The deeper I dove into watching and seeing how others are “doing things”, the further away I got from living in my own way. Little by little, I felt like maybe I was doing something wrong. Maybe I should have done something different to have what I don’t have. I could never have what “they” have because of this reason or that reason…

Slowly but surely, I felt my self-confidence shift and that shift began to tamper with my inner-dialogue.

I stopped listening to the intuition that was leading me on my own path. Instead, I fell into trying to fit into something that didn’t even belong to me. As a result, it was crushing me, and my self-worth bore the brunt of it all.

Paying Attention to the Signs

We have been conditioned to look outwards to define what success looks like. For example, many of us, in our earliest memories, can probably remember when a teacher would point out his/her prized student in the class to define how we should perform academically.

As children, we are not equipped to understand that we are unique in who we are. As young beings we experience the world with fresh eyes and impressionable minds. The comparison game already began. So we try to be just like the model we have been told to be like. However, we can never measure up.

As we get older, the comparison takes on a whole new level. Once we hear about how well someone is doing, then we try to pigeonhole ourselves into the methods of their version of what success is. Or at least, what it appears to be.

How much money someone makes, the career path they took, the house they live in, and even right down to the partner they chose. All these things can make us feel inadequate, and dare I say, that we have failed somehow.

Advertisements tell us what we should have in order to achieve a perceived life of success. Even if it means we have to compromise our happiness to attain it.

Social media has been the most relevant, and probably the most dangerous way of getting tangled in the comparison game web. While engaging with my audience on Social Media, I catch myself watching others perform in their business and sharing how great their lifestyle is. If we like what we see (and even if we don’t) it’s easy to slip into feeling small because someone else seems to be doing better than us.

It’s Time to Pick Your Lane!

So how do we break these comparison patterns we have developed over our lifetime? How do we stop comparing ourselves and rather be INSPIRED by those we look up to?

The answers can be found in self-reflection. And I caution you NOT to get trapped in self-judgment and self-criticism.

Like anything you want to change, it has to begin from within. It’s okay if you made mistakes in the past, and if you realize that your subconscious ways of doing things are finally revealed. You may wonder “Why didn’t I see this coming?”

Embrace that you are opening your eyes to doing things YOUR way and staying true to what your intentions are.

Go deep into understanding your values and what you stand for. Not what you have been TOLD to stand for. That includes how you live your life.

Don’t allow your version of success to be measured by either someone or something that makes you feel bad about yourself. It’s time to remove that and the hold it has on your life. It’s time to break up with what no longer serves you, and no longer makes you feel inspired and motivated. Stop the comparison game. Pursue your own goals and success in life.

Live an Authentic and Meaningful Life

Find someone, like a coach or a mentor, who holds your best interest as the center of working your way towards living your life in an authentic and meaningful way, and in alignment with the person you want to transform into.

I worked with clients who, after examining their lives, realized they disliked their careers and started on a new path towards what they absolutely felt was their calling. Or they broke down the walls of their own fragile self-image, started to love their bodies, and found a positive and healthy way of living that worked for THEM.

Remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. A cliché? Yes, but it holds a tremendous amount of truth. What you “see” is most likely curated and polished to hide the imperfections that lie beneath.

Looking for a little support to get you started? I invite you to a free consultation that will help you on your path to finding your own version of success. Use this link to book your free, no-obligation consultation today: Let’s Chat

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