Carole Blackburn
Certified Life Coach in Ottawa
As women, in particular, we tend to take on so many different roles in our lives.
Often it can feel like we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, while we slowly lose ourselves and our identity.
My Personal Journey
There was a time in my life when it felt like everything was really falling into place. I had a husband, two beautiful children, a nice home and everything we needed to live a very blessed life.
We were living the dream. I checked off all the boxes of my life’s plan, including the things that I had wanted to achieve for a very long time. But I was not happy.
Just months after my second child was born, I found myself feeling like something was missing. I kept asking myself, “Is this it for me?”
The decision to put my career on hold to raise our little family was mutually agreed upon. Yet, I was wondering if this was truly the decision I could live with for the long haul.
However, those feelings were met with a tremendous amount of guilt for even having those thoughts! How could I think something was missing, when I had what most people wanted in life!
I really pushed through each day the best way I knew how, as a wife and mother. As such, I ran our household, and I was the primary caretaker of our two young children.
I loved having the privilege of being home with my children. Not all parents can manage with just one income. But I was previously independent and a good income earner, with a career that I loved.
This was a major change for me. Through it all, I continued to push all of my personal needs aside and took care of the life we were building.
Everything Changed
Then in a flash, I was faced with a tremendous change in my life. Devastating circumstances infected my marriage. My downward spiral began when infidelity crushed our relationship. Despite months and months of trying to fix our marriage, we were quickly headed for divorce. At that time, I had been married for less than four years. My two children were ages one and three. Since I was a stay-at-home mom, I was out of the workforce. As a result, I had a huge financial mess in front of me.
I don’t know about any of you, but when major life changes happen that are beyond our control, awful feelings take over. Feelings such as stress, anxiety, worry, fear, anger, and self-doubt all creep in and consume who we are. Things were tremendously overwhelming for me. Finally, I was left thinking I CAN’T DO THIS. In the span of eighteen months, I was separated and dealing with the legalities of divorce, lost my home in foreclosure, and filed for bankruptcy. Quickly, I needed to get back into the workforce.
Most days I spent just trying to get by. Because I was a single mom of two very young kids who needed me, not to mention, going at it all alone, I was feeling very overwhelmed. It was important for me to continue to nurture my children so they did not feel the effects of my internal struggle. However, inside, I was dealing with so much negative emotions and mindset. Overall, things were bad and I needed help.
Pulling Myself Together
Pulling myself together was a priority. It was time to get all my ducks in a row. Time to really put everything into perspective and take care of what matters the most.
Each day I would repeat these new good habits:
Over Time…
Over time, I was able to dig in as deep as I could to heal from all the hurt and pain AND discover the woman I wanted to become. This was like a fresh start for me. Although it was a painstaking journey, it was also a journey that I embraced. I really had to go at it alone and figure things out for myself.
First, I made sure that I secured a good job so I could take care of my children and their well being. Next I had to deal with the anger and resentment that was living inside me, and basically start over. Finally, I had to really push my own limits and overcome some huge fears of failure and rejection. Every day was a challenge, in the beginning. But as time went by, I made it a top priority to create a positive environment for myself.
Starting to Shift
Things started to change and shift. Instead of telling myself “I can’t do this alone”, I changed those words to “I am going to give it my all”.
I made a constant effort to work on my personal growth which focused on my mind, body and soul. If I wanted to be the best version of myself to those around me, I had to really dig deep. It was time to focus on my physical, emotional and mental well-being.
The following are some of my positive affirming actions:
Prioritize self-care each day.
Shift from a negative mindset of hurt emotions and resentment to allowing forgiveness and healing to enter.
Eliminate toxic relationships and surround myself with positive people.
Make a daily effort to uncover my interests, and explore opportunities to do the things I want and love.
Work very hard on my self-love, so I can be alone with myself without feeling lonely.
Peace and Purpose
As a result, I reached that place of learning to receive with abundance, and manifesting the deepest desires of what I want my life to be. I am a proud mom of two healthy, loving children to whom I give my life. My hard work, both inside and out, gave me the tools and know-how to really find what passions and purpose live deep within. Thereby, my chance to change the story.
Finally, my purpose was found: I want to help other women who have gone through personal turmoil of any kind. I want to help elevate other women to find their passions, desires, ambitions, and goals. Also, I want to help women who perhaps put their lives on hold while taking care of everyone else. Above all, I want to be for someone else exactly what I needed in my darkest days.
